Hopes and Fears

I set up this blog quite a while ago, but I've never gotten around to actually writing anything in it. Lame, I know. But since I've become a stay-at-home...er...wife, I have more time on my hands to do fun things like writing in my blog. So maybe one day I'll share this blog with family and friends and then they too will enjoy my crazy opinions on life, but until then, this will be my personal outlet for my random observations on life.
So, here goes:
The most important thing going on in my life right now is my being pregnant. Yes, I do things here and there, but being pregnant seems to be an all-encompassing definition of my life. It's all I think about; my eating habits are greatly influenced as I try not to cause myself to barf or experience heartburn, indigestion, etc.; my sleep schedule depends entirely upon my ability to get comfortable and not feel sick from said eating habits, yet countered by my severely decreased energy supply. But mostly I am pretty confident that my inability to do/think about much anything other than my pregnancy has to do with my fear that this pregnancy is not going to last.
I am currently 14.5 weeks along. Yes, I am past the first trimester and I know that the chance of miscarriage is greatly decreased, but that doesn't change the fact that every twinge, ache, pain, or discomfort sends me into a panic wondering if the pain or sometimes lack of discomfort means something terrible has happened. Every time I use the restroom, which is like every half hour, I am relieved to find that I am not bleeding and having another miscarriage. And yet, on the other hand I am just as constantly wondering whether I made the right decision. Am I going to be a good mom? Do I have the qualities that would make me an ideal candidate to be a mother? Am I even going to make it through pregnancy, never-mind a lifetime of being a mother?
But usually, I go back to my first instinct and tell myself not to worry about it because it doesn't even matter. Something dreadful is bound to happen and my world will spiral out of control once again and all thoughts of having a baby will be dashed to pieces.

I know it doesn't sound this way, but I promise I'm not depressed, I'm just anxious and worried and driving myself crazy with "if's" and "but's". Which is why I decided to actually write this post in the first place. I thought if I could write down all my feelings maybe it would be easier than keeping them all locked in my head. So far it seems to be a decent outlet--so far so good?